Loss through the eyes of Tarot.

This is my reflection on Loss through the eyes of Tarot.

In the course of the past two years I have experienced multiple losses.

An aunt of mine, who lived a floor above me, while I was growing up, and who was like a second mother for me, passed away suddenly almost a year ago.  A neighbour who had lived next door forever, also passed away a few months later. At the end of April of this year I lost my mom.

They were all old. They had lived full lives. Rationally I accept those losses, it is part of life, yet it hurts.

I have long debated in my head what is worse, a sudden death, or one that comes slowly and painfully. My dad passed away suddenly when I was nineteen years old. I know the shock that a life cut short unexpectedly leaves behind.

I have also witnessed loved ones who have lost their minds, and the control over their bodies, linger for way too long.

I have no answer, except that given the chance, I will gladly check out when my mind or body start failing me badly.

Bear with me as I try to sort out my thoughts with the help of Tarot.

Everything in life starts with the Aces and concludes with the Tens.

If we want to bring the Major Arcana into it, the path starts with the Fool and ends with the World.

What cards do I associate with Death and the grief that follows?

I know that I, as most of my fellow readers, when the Death card appears in a reading, rush to explain the many other meanings it has.  Death stands for a necessary ending. It represents a door opening to a different set of circumstances. It brings transformation, and new experiences. It speaks of the need of letting go of a situation we have outgrown. I could go on.

In my many years of reading Tarot, Death has indeed often spoken of those kind of situations. It has also spoken of the death of people and pets. The tell tale are the cards that accompany it.

No, it is not my goal to list them all here.

I am just going to use those that help me process the feeling of grief at this time.

The five of cups well speaks of the sadness and the sense of loss that follows a death.

The three of swords, is the broken heart, or in this deck, the grief expressed so well by the eyes, when words usually fail us.

The four of swords is the time standing still when the news sink in, and during the last good byes when we pay our respects.

The card also reminds us that you cannot rush through grief.

Two other cards I associate with death or the aftermath, are the Wheel and the Tower.

The Wheel of Fortune has long been associated with destiny, and those turn of events which are usually out of our control.

It stands for events in our lives where we feel at the top of the world, or at the bottom of it.

It also reminds us that the Wheel keeps spinning no matter what, inviting us to totally enjoy the great moments, and to keep going when things are tough.

The Tower represents those moments when life comes crashing down.

The Tower brings sudden endings and changes, and in the process we are forged into someone new.

I am in my early sixties. In April I flew back home for my mom’s funeral. I stayed at the family home, where I grew up. Upstairs used to live my grandma, uncle, aunt and cousin.

Through the years they all have gone, except for my generation. I look at the familiar home and it feels so different, so empty. Even the house next door, where five people used to live, three generations, now sits empty, waiting to be sold.

What I am trying to say is that with every passing I  lose a part of myself.

I was the daughter of, the granddaughter , the niece of. With every passing a piece of my history, and of my connections is gone.

Which brings me to the Judgement card. When is all said and done, can we die with a clear conscience, with no regrets? How did we spend our precious and limited time on earth?

Did we follow our dreams? How will we be remembered and for how long?

Which brings me to my final thought.

Whenever I think about someone I lost, what stands out for me is how they made me feel.

When I go down memory lane with the six of cups, I often think of homes (four of Wands), mine and those I used to love to visit. Warm joyful memories come to mind, like those expressed by the ten of cups. Who made me feel safe, warm, and cozy? Who shared important times with me?

After a loss, how do we move forward? Both the six of swords and the eight of cups come to mind. In both cards the mood is somber, yet the person is looking and moving ahead, because if we have learned anything at all from the Wheel, the Judgement and the Tower is that love and those we connected with in life are all that matter. Therefore I shall try to keep my heart open  (ace of cups) to new and old connections (two of cups).